Face the Music Page 19

  “Promise?”

  Heat flares in his gaze, but he doesn’t move, doesn’t speak.

  “See you tomorrow.” I still can’t move. Can’t pull my feet off the ground without fearing I’ll take the steps two at a time and throw myself into his arms.

  “Go inside, Ash.” The deep rumble of his demand slides up my spine. “Now.”

  With that, I push into my house, closing and locking the door. I walk in a daze to my room, wondering what the hell is happening to me.

  I want Ben in every sense of the word—including so far beyond getting him in my bed. I want his eyes on me, his mouth on me. I want his mind, his conversation, his attention, his bossy demands.

  Yeah… this shit with Ben Langley has the potential to get complicated fast.

  I fear the outcome won’t be worth the risk.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Ben

  “Good morning, Donna.” I breeze into the office on Tuesday morning, exhausted but feeling better than I’ve felt in years.

  Stepping into the house after my date with Ashleigh, I became overwhelmed with guilt when greeted by the framed photo of Maggie and me on our wedding day, proudly displayed by the door. I told myself I wouldn’t look at it, but my eyes shifted to the image on instinct. I rubbed the empty spot where my wedding ring used to be and felt it burning through my pocket.

  I lay in bed in the pitch dark, thinking not of Maggie but of Ashleigh and the incredible time we had. I relived every moment of her skin against mine, every moment of my mouth on her delicate neck, the feeling of her pulse pounding against my lips, and I couldn’t sleep. I was painfully hard and so wrought with frustration, my skin was clammy. I had no choice but to slip my hand into my boxers and bring my body the relief it so desperately needed. I’d never be able to sleep otherwise. I brought myself to orgasm, thinking of another woman while lying in my marriage bed. Thank goodness the lights were off so I couldn’t see all the photos of Maggie in my room, staring at me with those broken-heart eyes.

  I had a fitful night’s sleep but woke up with a renewed view of life. I’m no longer Maggie’s husband. I am her widower. And although I can love her forever, it doesn’t mean there isn’t enough room in my life, in my heart, for feelings for someone else.

  “Wow, you’re in a good mood.” Donna leans back in her desk chair and motions to my face. “This have anything to do with your date last night?”

  “I think it does. Yeah.”

  “Funny, you didn’t seem nearly as cheerful when you got home.”

  “You know what they say, joy comes in the morning.” And giving myself a well-overdo orgasm helped.

  Not that I haven’t jacked off since Maggie died. I have. Just not as often as one would think. It took years for me to get even the slightest hint of a sex drive back. Then I felt horrible jacking off to memories of her. I’d do it and afterward feel like a disgusting human being. I learned to detach emotionally from the act itself, thought about it as something I needed to do to get by, like eating healthy food. No one really enjoys it, but they do it because they know it has to be done.

  Last night was different though. I gave my mind permission to wander and my fantasies permission to play. I should probably confess and apologize to Ashleigh for the fact that I used her pretty face, body, lips, and tongue as fuel for my pent-up frustration, but I get the feeling I’d be showing my cards by telling her that and if she called me on my shit, she might ask me to show her. If she did, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to say no.

  “Oh, the nanny service called!”

  I freeze midway to my office and look over my shoulder. “They did?”

  “Yes, they emailed two candidates for Elliot. I looked them over and they seem perfect. I forwarded their information to you.”

  I smile even though I feel a twinge of disappointment. “I’ll check them out.”

  “Here are next month’s projections for—where’s your wedding ring?” Her eyes are round as they bounce from my left hand to my face.

  “I’m trying it out.” I open and close my hand, feeling the glaring absence of my wedding band. “I think it’s time.”

  Her grin starts small and quickly spreads to her entire face. “I am dying to know who you went out with. She’s having a great effect on you.”

  I’m already shaking my head. “It’s not her. It’s a combination of things. Elliot, something my brother said… it’s been almost six years.”

  She frowns and nods.

  “I’ll be in my office if you need me.”

  I set down my stuff, grab a cup of coffee while my computer is powering up, then click open my email. “All right, let’s see if they have a nanny who’ll top the one I already have.” Doubtful.

  * * *

  My last counseling session ran over when I couldn’t get the man I was meeting with to stop crying long enough to pull himself together and leave. He requested a meeting with me last week after having slept with his brother’s wife. Now he’s feeling remorse, and to add insult to injury, he believes he’s in love with her.

  Do not covet your neighbor’s, or brother’s, wife!

  I then got an email from the DOEE saying the investigation was under review and I should hear back from them in six to eight weeks. I hardly gave that information a second thought over my joy of knowing Jones and Gunthry wouldn’t be snooping around my church anymore. Whatever information they got on me will most likely be tossed aside. With the rate of sexual assault in churches, the DOEE has bigger fish to fry than little old me.

  At ten to five, I’m packing up my things, bummed I won’t get to spend a little time with Ashleigh before she heads to her second job.

  “Good night,” I say to Donna as I walk quickly by her desk.

  “Good night. Wait, what’s the hurry?”

  “Walk with me.”

  She comes around the desk and has to take twice as many steps to keep pace with me as I head out to my car.

  “What’s up?” I ask.

  “You have an interview with one of the two nannies tomorrow and the other on Thursday, both of them in the afternoon. I put them on your schedule.”

  “Thank you.”

  She stops at the front door of the church and I head to my car, giving her one last wave goodbye.

  I break the speed limit getting home and breathe a sigh of relief when I walk in and see Ashleigh and Elliot at the kitchen table. The second our eyes meet, we’re both smiling. Ashleigh stands as if to greet me.

  “What am I missing?” I say without taking my eyes off Ashleigh’s.

  She looks so good in a long-sleeved T-shirt and tiny shorts that almost make it look like she’s wearing nothing but a T-shirt. Her feet are bare, her hair hanging down around her shoulders—the same shoulders I had my lips on less than twenty-four hours ago.

  “Were playing Chutes and Ladders!” Elliot’s off her chair, her elbows on the table, her face hovering above the game board.

  “Oh yeah?” I look between the girls. “Who’s winning?”

  “Who do you think?” Ashleigh rolls her eyes then clears two glasses and a plate off the table, taking them to the kitchen.

  Ducking into the kitchen just out of Elliot’s line of sight, I snag Ashleigh by her shirt and pull her close. She gives zero resistance, falling into my chest as her arms wrap around my waist.

  “I’ve been thinking about this all day,” I whisper.

  “Just this?” she says with a naughty lilt to her voice.

  I hum low in my throat. “What time do you need to leave?”

  She leans back and looks at the microwave, her lips so close it would take almost no effort to kiss her. But I don’t. “Soon. I should get changed.”

  I press a firm kiss to her forehead, and when I pull back, I see she had her eyes closed. Damn if that doesn’t send all sorts of fuzzy feelings through my chest. “Go.”

  She lifts a brow then chuckles but ends up going to get changed.

  I help Elliot clean up the game
and ask her about school. We talk about our options for dinner. She’s telling me what she’s hungry for, but I’ve stopped listening. Actually, I wonder if my hearing has gone out completely because the only sound I hear is the rapid pounding of my pulse as Ash appears in the mouth of the hallway. She’s wearing nothing but a tight black dress that cuts off just below her ass and a pair of thick combat boots. No fishnets. No ripped tights. Just inches upon inches of long, tanned, toned legs.

  She doesn’t seem to notice me staring as she bends over and shoves her things into her bag. I bite my lip and hope I don’t moan out loud as I catch a glimpse of her black lace panties.

  “Uh… Ash, I need to speak with you for a minute about next week’s schedule.”

  Her eyes, now heavily lined with black, narrow on me. “Right now?”

  “It’ll only take a second.”

  I move by her, down the hallway, and into my bedroom. She practically stumbles when I close the door as soon as her feet are past the threshold. I grip her hips, push her up against my door, and bury my face in her neck.

  “What do men say to you when they see you in this?” I’m growling, my hands are shaking, and I have the unreasonable urge to bite her.

  “Same shit they always say.” She sounds a little breathless, her hands at my belt on my hips. “Why, Ben? What do you want to say when you see me in this dress?”

  I pull back feeling crazed, irrationally possessive, and very turned on. I swallow the urge to say what I really want to. “You’re breathtaking.”

  Color rises in her cheeks.

  I cup her jaw, place a kiss on either side of her mouth so that I don’t mess up her lipstick, then kiss the end of her nose. “If anyone treats you as though you’re not, I want names.”

  “What will you do?” She juts her chin up. “Report them to the big guy?”

  “Yes, actually.”

  She laughs, and the sound washes through my body like warm water. “You’re the best of the best, Ben Langley.” She runs a hand through my hair then her thumb across my lips. “I have to go.”

  “I know.” I step back, open the door for her, and keep my eyes on the back of her head as she walks out of my house and to her car.

  It’s not until I come back inside that I realize, not once since I got home have I looked at a photo of Maggie.

  Ashleigh

  “Hold the eff on!”

  I pull the phone away from my ear as Bethany practically blows out my eardrum.

  “You guys went on a date? How did you not tell me this sooner?”

  “It all happened so fast. He asked me on Sunday and we went out on Monday.”

  “It’s Wednesday. Wednesday, Ash. You no longer have the right to be mad at me when TMZ gets information before you do!”

  Jesse’s voice is muffled in the background.

  “I don’t know,” she answers him. “I’m just hearing about it now. Tell me everything, Ashleigh Rose Kendrick. Every. Single. Detail.”

  I sigh. “Okay, but I’m sitting outside Elliot’s school, waiting for her to get out, so I don’t have a ton of time.” I knew giving details would be part of the deal and wanted to make sure my best friend heard it from me before she heard it from Ben through Jesse. “What can I say? It was everything. And I mean everything. Well, everything minus… ya know, everything.”

  “You’ve told me absolutely nothing,” she says dryly.

  “He took me to sushi then to a concert at the MIM. He was so polite, so…” How can I put my date with Ben into words? “I really like him.”

  A high-pitched squeal pierces my eardrums.

  “Every time he kisses me, I feel drunk—”

  “Kisses you? Jesiah, they’re kissing!”

  “Is anything private anymore?”

  “Oh, yeah. Sorry. Go on.”

  “There’s nothing else to say, I just… God, I really, really like him. But… ugh.”

  “Don’t do this, don’t get all wrapped up in your head.”

  “I know, you’re right. I can’t help but think there’s no way a guy like him would choose someone like—”

  “La-la-la-la I’m not hearing that la-la-la! You are more than worthy of a man like Ben Langley. Trust me. I know you both and yeah, you’re different, but not in the ways that matter. Your personalities complement each other. You fill in his blanks and he fills in yours.”

  Jesse laughs in the background. “He wants to fill your blank all right.”

  “Ignore him.”

  “As fun as this is, sharing the most private and intimate details of my life with you and your husband, I have to go get Elliot.”

  “Give her a hug and a kiss for us! And call me with more developments!”

  I hang up, jump from the car, and make my way toward the school as a ton of midgets with too-big backpacks file out to parent pickup. Elliot comes around the corner, and the moment I set eyes on those gorgeous dark curls, my chest warms and we smile at each other. She waves and I wave back goofily. She hugs my legs, and I take a moment to soak in the feeling of her tiny arms wrapped around me.

  “Hey, midge. How was your day?” I take her tiny hand and catch the principal glaring at me. With Elliot busy talking, I stick out my tongue at the woman and laugh when she shakes her head in disgust.

  “And then Jayden called Tyler a boner.”

  I stumble in my flip-flops.

  “What’s a boner?”

  I open the back door of my car and help her in. While strapping her into her booster seat, I hope my face doesn’t register the what-the-fuck my brain is feeling. Her big brown eyes don’t leave my face. She’s expecting an answer and I have no idea how to answer this question!

  “Are you hungry?” I smile brightly. “Want to hit McDonald’s?”

  Her soft little brows pinch together. “Do they have boners at McDonald’s?”

  “No. No, they don’t.” I close the door and turn away from the car, praying she forgets the question by the time I get into the car, and if not, please, God, give me the right words to say.

  I climb into the driver’s seat and manage to make it two blocks before she pipes up from the backseat. “Is boner a curse word?”

  “Fuck,” I grumble. I meet her inquisitive stare in the rearview mirror. I’m going to have to give this my best shot or she’ll never stop asking. “It can be, yes. The way your friend Jayden used it, yes.” When she looks confused, I suck in a breath and continue. “You know how a butt is a part of your body? But if you call someone a butt, it’s kind of a bad word?”

  She mulls that over. “So a boner is part of my body?”

  I roll my lips to hide my laughter and imagine how Ben would handle this conversation if he were here. “Not your body, no. Only boys have them.”

  “In their butts?”

  Okay, now I can’t hide it and I choke on a laugh. “No.” Well, some, but I’ll leave the gay sex conversation for much later. “Boner is another name for a boy’s, um, private parts.”

  Her sweet face scrunches up in disgust. “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  I manage to get through four stop lights, the McDonalds drive thru, and just when I think she’s satisfied she says, “I think Jayden is a boner.”

  I smile into the rearview mirror as I pull into Ben’s driveway. If life was different and the fates were in my favor, Elliot could’ve easily been my daughter. “I agree. But let’s not say that word in front of your dad, cool?”

  “Okay.” She pops her seat belt and I carry her backpack.

  “Or anyone else for that matter.”

  “I can say it to you though, right?”

  I think back to my childhood and how I was never able to speak freely in the name of honor and respect for my parents. “You can say anything you want when you’re with me. No such thing as the wrong thing when we’re together. Got it?”

  “Got it!” she says happily and runs into her house.

  * * *

  I watch Elliot from when school gets out at 2:10
until five o’clock. Ben usually rolls in at four forty-five. Today, he shows up at four thirty. I hear his Cherokee pull up and my stomach somersaults in an explosion of butterflies. I wonder what he’s wearing—the blue button-up that makes his hair look especially black, or the green that makes his eyes hazel?

  And then there’s that moment when he walks in the door and our eyes meet and snag. His slow smile. Is it possible to be completely in love with a moment?

  The door opens and I look up from my spot on the floor where Elliot and I have been playing dinosaur ranch. My pulse zaps to life when our eyes meet.

  He’s wearing a white button-up that accentuates his olive skin. His sleeves are rolled to his elbows, showcasing muscled forearms. Broad and tall, he exudes a tangible masculinity.

  He doesn’t take his eyes off of me. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I say in a barely audible breath.

  “Hi, Dad! George and Phyllis are making babies!”

  His brows pop above those heavenly dark eyes. “Is that right?”

  “Don’t look at me.” I hold my hands up to show my innocence. “I think she’s been watching too much Animal Planet.”

  He comes close and squats next to me, his thigh brushing against me in a move that is far from accidental. He kisses his daughter on the head. “How many babies are they having?”

  “Four.” She points at the smaller dinos. “Two girls and two boys.”

  “They’ve been busy.” He grins at me so sweetly, I find myself swaying toward him, wishing he’d put his arms around me, kiss me—hell, I’d settle for a kiss on the head.

  What am I thinking? Ben is still in love with his wife. I’m falling deeper and deeper and there’s no way this can end well for me. The last thing I need to be doing is having feelings for Ben that move beyond a simple crush.

  “I should go.” I stand.

  “So soon?” he says, standing too.

  I don’t look him in the eye. “Yes. I’ve been pushing it, getting to the club five and ten minutes late. I really need to get there on time, or I’ll get fired.”